Strengthening relationships through quality playtime
FAMILIES FIRST: Strengthening relationships through quality(play) time
Humans are social animals and we need relationships with others. The first interactions we have are with our parents, and through those our default notions of how to act in the world and with each other are set. This is but one reason why a strong parent-child relationship is so vital to healthy development.
The sure way to an excellent relationship with your kids is by spending one-on-one time with them on a regular, consistent basis. As little as 15 minutes daily will have a significant impact. Easy, right? But here’s the caveat: quality time is interactional. It’s the difference between engaging with each other and zoning out in front of the television together. Which of these is more conducive to a mutual feeling of positive regard?
I’ll be honest with you. If one-on-one time isn’t yet a habit, at first it may feel like work. The best way to counter that is to make your time about play. As a bonus, you can relieve from yourself the pressure of having to plan your playdate by letting your child decide the activity, which he will love (who doesn’t like getting to be the boss once in awhile?). There is virtually no down side to playing with your kids.
Some tips:
* If your child is very young (2 to 5-6), limit the activity choices. Ideally, present up to three options, and invite him to pick one. Otherwise, your playtime may come and go while he is still trying to decide what to do.
* Your play should be collaborative instead of competitive; you are not trying to beat each other. So, with young children, try building with blocks or making clay creatures. With older children, let her teach you something, maybe a favorite dance move.
* Whatever the activity, it should allow plenty of opportunities for you to have warm and loving contact, both verbal and sensory, and you should take every chance you get to make that contact. With every encouraging word and gesture, the positivity you feel for each other grows.
Did you know? Social scientists agree that most communication is non-verbal. Frequent eye contact with your child is vital to the development of her ability to understand the cues we transmit with our eyes and faces, and can increase the sense of security she has in your relationship.
Some of this information is derived from Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), which has substantial empirical support. However, I’m confident that if you play consistently for two weeks, you won’t care about the research, because playing will have worked for you. If you would like to learn more about PCIT, it’s offered at Christian Counseling Services in Redlands: 909-793-1078.
Next time, we’ll look at the importance of role-modeling, routines, and setting expectations in a successful disciplinary system. Until then, here’s to the health and happiness of you and your family!
